“Two years ago, after a talk with a friend, I shared some thoughts on motherhood.
We talked about how hard postpartum was, how our bodies were so broken & our mental health was a mess.
We talked about how hard it was to find our balance with motherhood & our careers.
We talked about how our marriages were an after thought.
We talked about how becoming a mom was nothing like we expected. How the emotional & physical burdens were more than we could manage. That we didn’t know who we were anymore.
The one thing missing from our conversation was our kids.
They weren’t the source of our angst at all.
If anything, all the other stuff was preventing us from being with them fully.
We wanted more time to just enjoy them. We felt resentment for the other parts of life that were in the way.
So yeah, motherhood is hard but I’ve never felt like it was because of my son. He’s amazing.
Sometimes he has a hard time sleeping or trying new foods. Sometimes he doesn’t want to listen or do what we ask but he’s three. Sometimes those things worry me or frustrate me but that’s normal.
And none of it weighs on me the way the rest of life does.
Three years & it hasn’t gotten any easier. Add in a global pandemic, a round of IVF and an unexpected loss & it feels harder than ever.
Being a grown up is hard. Working full time is hard. Maintaining friendships is hard. Being married is hard. Caring about the world & the people in it is hard. Staying on top of all the other bs is so so hard. So naturally, being a parent on top of all that is hard.
Loving my kid is the easiest part.
Showing up for him is the easiest part.
It’s all the other parts, it always has been. It’s how I handle, or don’t handle, the other parts that affect how I mother.
When the rest of life has me feeling buried, I can’t give him my best. I can’t give anything to anyone.
I understand why those words I shared two years ago resonate.
Motherhood is hard because we aren’t supported the way we need to be.
Motherhood is hard because of the inequities both in home & out in the world.
We deserve more so we can give our kids more.
They aren’t the cause, they are the reward.”
Repost by @thenerdyboho 💛